Who's Your Slytherin?
by GirlEnigma
Summary: *DISCONTINUED* Draco does the first good deed...ever... He does a favor for his only cousin, Dominique Malfoy, and apologizes to Harry and friends. Chaos ensues and Draco has fun playing friends. Full of humor
1. I Guess I Could Play Nice

Bwah! Muteki! I'm back! (Too soon you say?) As long as their are ideas in my head and love for Draco in my heart I will continue to do HP fics!! ~_^ I was contemplating on a Draco/Ginny fic actually but I'm happy to say that I've come back from the Dark Side (dun dun dunn!) Though I have read a good D/G fic I most certainly don't like the pairing. Mostly I just don't like Ginny. Bwahaha. I can't help it. She bugs me. But I did want to do a lighter Draco/Herm fic with a touch of slash *throws lemons* hee hee

Well read and review please! I really do love comments!

Oh and by the way I don't own HP! JK Rowling is the one making the millions of dollars not me. So don't sue! You'll only get my life savings- $20!

Draco sat down gracefully at the Slytherin table in the great hall. Pansy Parkinson smiled suggestively at him. He winked back and she looked faint. 

Too bad he didn't care much for Pansy. Besides he was already going out with a 5th year Ravenclaw, Lucky Redbop. Lucky was nothing short of gorgeous while Pansy tended to be a bit mental.

"Excuse me..." a soft-spoken voice said clearly from behind him.

"Hmm...?" Draco replied twisting around in his chair.

His incredibly hot cousin, Dominique Malfoy, a happy, yet quiet 3rd year Slytherin was standing behind him. She smiled sweetly.

"Good morning, Draco," Dominique said, "I'm afraid I need your help. Can I talk to you?"

Dominique was tall for her age and getting quite shapely. She had sharp blue eyes and long white blonde hair, quite like his, with the straightly cut ends dipped into a hot red color. She was hidden underneath different layers of black robes with Slytherin crests on all of them.

"Lead the way," he said simply, rising to follow her into an empty hallway.

He folded his arms across his chest, raised his eyebrows and looked down at her.

"Thank you cousin," she smiled, "I was wondering if you could apologize to Hermione Granger and her friends."

"Apologize?" he sputtered, barely able to contain his laughter, "That's rich."

"Seriously," Dominique said solemnly, "Please cousin."

"Domi," Draco said, genuinely amused, patting her head, "Why in the world are you asking me this?"

"Because she has the best marks in the entire school. I need a tutor. And as soon as I introduce myself she'll just blow me off because of you."

Draco considered this. He did love attention. And there was a good chance that he would get a lot of attention if he tried to be a little nicer to Pothead and Co. Of course he did repulse the idea of being nice to them altogether. He would confuse and irritate them much more by playing nice though since they certainly knew that he didn't know what the dictionary definition of 'nice' even was. He smiled wickedly.

"That's a pretty unsavory idea," he said aloud, "Granger is pretty unsavory too."

"Oh please cousin!" Dominique cried, making horrid puppy-dog eyes.

He grimaced, "Whatever happens I blame you."

"Thank you!" she said, hugging him quickly.

"Yeah, yeah," he said patting her head.

They went back into the great hall and sat next to each other at the Slytherin table. Dominique was the 2nd most respected Slytherin in their house because of her obvious relation to Draco. She would be very powerful when she put her mind to her work as well. 

And as much as it pained Draco to admit it, he had a soft spot for the kid. Her father was his father's brother, Lukas Malfoy, but he was quite different from Lucius. He actually cared and loved his daughter.

Not that Draco cared for love. Eye candy maybe. Lucky was great eye candy. It took great strength on his part not to grab her and snog her until she suffocated. But that's all it would ever be, lust. If she died tomorrow he wouldn't care. He'd move on to the next sexy Ravenclaw to catch his eye. Why Ravenclaw? Because most of the Slytherin women were not very fetching. They were also quite manipulative and dominatrix-like.

Hufflepuffs had their occasional vixen but Hufflepuffs nauseated him. They were much to goody-goody for him to handle. They wouldn't think to date a Slytherin anyway. They thought of us as the direct spawn of demons.

Gryffindors were out of the question. Gryffindors irritated him and were too righteous. They fancied themselves everything and a bag of chips. He thought they were a bit too cocky to stand. But he'd always had some fantasies about turning Lavender Brown to the dark side.

He heard bright laughter and pushed his thoughts away. He glared over at the Gryffindor table. The Boy Who Has No Taste, Ron the Red, Ms. Bookworm, and Weasllette were talking happily. He felt blinded by their smiles. Ugh. And he had to apologize to those idiots? He felt his diginity and judgement go down a point.

"It won't be too excrutiating to be nice to them for a little, will it, cousin?" Dominique smiled, almost reading his thoughts.

"I won't know what to do with myself. I mean this will be the nicest thing I've ever done. Kindness might taint me!" Draco sighed, "If I faint you'll have to do a memory charm on everyone."

She giggled. She appreciated what Draco was doing. He knew that this was important to her. And although he wasn't just doing it for her he still felt a little joy from knowing that she needed him.

He stood up and stalked over to The Most Annoying Boy Who Unfortunatly Lived. Potter turned with a look of heavy disgust on his face. Granger, seated beside him, turned also, with a similar look on her face lined with a nervous look. The red haired pair glared hatefully at him.

He laughed and said in a crisp tone, "Your faces are screwed up in some of the most ugliest ways that it's simply a marvel to witness."

"Spare the chat," Potty said through gritted teeth, "What do you want?"

"Oh let's see..." he smiled, innocently tapping his chin, "I'd love to out mark Grangie, I'd really adore some brand new cloaks, preferably in different shades of black, maybe a few more girls to add to my harem and my own sex slave to make me rich, hot coffee every morning in bed."

They grimaced.

He licked his lips and added, "Especially the last bit."

"You make me sick," Weasel growled.

"I know," Draco sighed happily, "It warms my heart."

"Get on with it Malfoy," a bold miniature Weasely, Gena or something, said, "Or get away."

"Fantastically put, Jena, my dear!" he exclaimed, "You get more audacious everyday. I'd like to think I have a small part to that. You're welcome to thank me anytime."

"It's Ginny," she corrected.

"Whatever," Draco said casually, "Does it really matter? I've come to apologize."

The Gryffindor table quieted suddenly. Draco chuckled to himself. He wished he had his own spotlight. He'd look even sexier that way.

"Can you repeat that?" Granger said, dangerously quiet.

"I asked Gene darling if it really mattered if I memorized her name or not. Which I really don't think that it's a big issue. Once I finally remember it I'd probably make fun of it. And I don't know if you would really care in the first place. You don't like me I don't really like you so let's shake and call it even."

"After that," Granger said in a bit more annoyed tone.

"Oh yes, of course love muffin," he smiled charmingly watching Granger roll her eyes, "I said I've come to apologize. Don't you all speak English as fluent as I?"

"...Smashing," said The Boy Who Obviously Wasn't Buying My Bullshit wryly, "Apologize then."

"Right, Sorry Ronnie for downing everything about you. Although you started it. You made fun of my name."

"...That's your reason for making my life a living hell?!" Wheezy said hotly.

"I'm a very sensitive person underneath," he sighed dramatically, "And I do love revenge."

Wheezy's eye twitched, his hands curled into fists and Draco resumed.

"Sorry, Jinx, for whatever I might of said. I'm not really sure I did say anything but who knows," Draco said to the youngest diseased red head.

"...Ginny," she repeated.

Draco ignored her and continued, "Oh, Potty, where to start... Sorry even though you pretty much snubbed me when we first met."

"You have stupid reasons for being mean to other people," Harry said angrily, glaring through his glasses. 

"Maybe. But really I do love revenge. I'm not use to rejection. Should have taken that into account four-eyes," Draco smirked, "But, hey, at least I'm apologizing. It's a surprise to all of us."

He turned to Granger finally and looked hard at her. She probably was afraid that he would apologize to everyone but her since she was after all a mudblood. He had probably got to her much more than Potty. She looked quite frightened of him. Her thick brown hair was slightly unkept and her deep brown eyes were mesmerized, like she didn't believe this was happening. Couldn't blame her though. He suddenly remembered a sting to his cheek. He was still a little moody about her rash physical violence directed to his beautiful face. If he were ever disfigured he would surely kill himself.

But Draco was the perfect actor. He smiled and said, "Sorry for being an ass, Granger. Hope there isn't too many hard feelings." 

She blinked. He hoped she wouldn't cry or anything.

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked finally.

"Oh because I've fallen in love with you of course," he winked.

Her face turned the slightest color of pink and Draco could barely hold the laughter inside. She looked pissed though.

"I'd like the truth if you don't mind," she replied.

"Hmm..." Draco paused, "Well I figured it wouldn't be too awful if we were on friendly terms. I'm bored with insulting you since there's no real point to it. Besides it's not like it would be terrible if we were to get along."

They seemed to consider his words. They didn't look too convinced though.

"So let's start new ok?" Draco smiled as sweetly as he possibly could, "I'm Draco Malfoy."

Pooter looked suspicious but said slowly, "Hi...I'm...Harry Potter."

Poor sap was too good for his own health. This delighted Draco to the fullest. He would have fun with this 'nice' thing. He knew it.

"Well, well! A celebrity in our midst! Nice to meet you, Harry."

"...Hello...I'm...Ron. Ron Weasely. This is my sister...Ginny Weasely," Ronnie said, still looking a bit shirty.

"How do you do, Ron? And many hellos to you too Jenny!"

"Ginny!"

"I'll get it eventually," Draco shrugged. He turned to Granger expectantly. He will especially like to annoy Granger.

"My name is Hermione Granger," she said politely, still cautious, "Nice to meet you...Mr. Malfoy."

Mr. Malfoy? That was horrible! He wasn't his father yet.

"The pleasure is all mine, Hermione," Draco smiled wickedly, "I hope to see you all later. And it's 'Draco' please."

"Yeah... Sure," annoyed Pots replied as he walked back to the Slytherin table.

He sat down next to Dominique and said, "Good job, Draco?"

"Good job, Draco," she giggled.

"Yay," I replied, digging into dinner.


	2. Don't Bug Me

****

I like cocky Draco. He's fun. lol! Anyway I hope you continue to enjoy the madness! Bwahahah

PS- I don't own no Harry Potter rights! Leave JK Rowling to the real thing. I'm just here for mindless fanfics. ~_^

Note: This story goes a little fast. lol Ok a lot fast. And it maybe a little sloppy but you can't have it all.

Draco was lying comfortably on a table in the library. 

"Malfoy what the hell are you doing?" Granger said shrilly.

If Granger were spastic like this about everything she would qualify for Slytherin!

Draco moved slightly to look at her, "I can't take a nap now?"

"I don't give a damn what you do! I'm asking you what you're doing sleeping on a library table! Don't you have a bed or something?"

"Of course! I have a bed, a sofa, a loveseat, three padded chairs, a daybed--"

"So why are you sleeping on a table in the library?!"

"Just wanted a little variety," he shrugged.

"...You're either a really simple stupid person or you're a monster."

"I'd like to think I'm charming and sexy."

"Oh go kiss yourself Narcissist."

"How did you know I loved myself and mythology?!"

"Yes, I'm a regular genius." 

"Now there's that modesty that I lack!"

"Get out Malfoy."

"Aww," he said, sitting up, "What happened to 'let's be friends?' I thought you were nicer than that."

"I'll be nice to you when you're not being sarcastic and an asshole," Granger replied hotly.

"Oh, Hermione, I hope I haven't rubbed off on you in the wrong way!"

"I thank Merlin everyday that you don't rub me at all."

"If you wanted a hug you should have just said so!" Draco smiled, leaping off the table and grabbing Granger in a bear hug.

"Sod off!" Hermione screamed, making every effort to get away.

Draco nuzzled her neck, "Not into touching? Pots and Weeble won't take to that! Why would they want a girlfriend who wouldn't give a little?"

"You're disgusting."

"I love you."

"My eye!"

"Is there something in your eye?"

"No!"

"I love your eye."

"I hate you so much right now."

"I'm thinking about you in a thong with coffee right now."

"I would never wear a thong, thanks."

"You're serving me the coffee now..."

"You're so perverted."

"I'm drinking the coffee now..."

"You'd better not touch my butt."

"Oh you naughty girl you bent over."

"I'm so disgusted with both of us."

"You want some of my coffee? I'm at a crossroads! To share or not to share that is the question..."

"Don't. I hate coffee."

Draco threw Hermione away from him and made a horrible face, "You're a danger to mankind! You don't like touching people and you hate coffee? Shame on you woman! What are you good for?!"

"I'm good at getting my work done."

"Wonderful. Does your work tuck you in at night too?"

"If it did I'd be disturbed."

"It's alright sweetums," Draco purred, patting Hermione's head, "I still love you even though you're anti-coffee."

"I'm anti-Draco."

"I like women who play hard to get," he winked.

"Will you just leave me alone?!" Hermione vented.

"Anything you desire my sex slave," he said, waving goodbye.

She flicked him off and he walked quietly down the hall. He couldn't help but smile. Even though the mudblood was completely his opposite he loved to fight with her. It was kind of fun.

"Draco!" The Boy Who Just Won't Die called merrily to him.

What was this? Sudden amnesia? 

"Yo," Draco said coolly, "What's up?"

Ron appeared behind Harry. Ron however looked a little bit moody. Draco was happy that only one of them had gone insane.

"We're going to practice Quidditch a bit. Would you like to join us?" Harry smiled.

Draco puked inside but said, "Oh, sure, why not?"

"That's the spirit!" Harry said, slapping his back and then skipping off to the field.

"Excuse me, Ronnie," Draco said, stopping Ron before he could go on his way, "Just a quick question but has Harry turned completely inside out and then flipped?"

"What?" Ron the Slow answered. Draco was amazed on how Ron could go about life with no brains what so ever and still be alive. 

"Why is Pots being all nice?"

"Well we're...sort of...friends now," Ron said, grimacing with every word.

"If you look like your constipated while you're talking to me we aren't friends. I would have thought that Harry would have a similar response."

"He's just nice. Be grateful," Ron grunted, walking off.

"Where are you going? The boy's bathroom is that way!" Draco called after him, pointing in the direction he should have been going.

Ron ignored him and continued to walk away.

Draco shrugged and walked toward his room. He needed his Quidditch gear if he was going to practice.

"Oh here you are Draco," Lucky smiled seductively, waiting by the Slytherin door.

The downside to Ravenclaw is that they tended to be a little bit on the stalker side. But Draco acted surprised anyway.

"Hello my dear," Draco purred, coming up beside her and kissing her cheek, "What's up?"

"I thought we could go make out in your room?" Lucky smiled.

Ah, but you had to love how the Ravenclaws were up front about it.

"I would love to!" Draco smiled, just as he remembered Quidditch. Damn Pottyfuck and his damn nice-ness! "Urm...actually I have something I have to do. I'm sorry."

"What do you have to do?" Lucky asked.

"Play Quidditch."

"Can I watch?"

Out comes the stalker again.

"Um it's just practice."

"I still want to watch my sexy Draco spin around on a broom," she winked.

Oh she's so naughty.

"Really it's ok. It's just practice."

"You don't want me to?" she sniffed.

No, no she's going to cry!

"It's not that! It's just that it's going to be really boring. It's not a game and everything..."

"I don't care."

"Draco!" Granger shouted, stalking over to the argument, "You left your freaking shoes in the library. I don't know how exactly you could forget your shoes and just walk out of the library and back to your common room without noticing. I swear you really are the most ignorant person I've ever met."

She held out his shoes.

"Oh I'm sorry Draco!" Lucky said, "I didn't know that you had homework to do! I'll leave you alone. But I'll see you later alright?"

"Right. Bye."

"Bye bye!"

Then Lucky pranced off down the hallway and Granger still stood, looking rather annoyed, next to him.

"Oh..." Draco said, suddenly feeling a real urge to hug the girl, "You don't know how much I love you right now."

"Will you quit the sarcastic stunts? I think you could act a little more mature after I've went all this way to bring you back your shoes."

"I'm being totally serious! I love you so much right now!"

Her face softened, "...What?"

"I could kiss you if I weren't afraid that, since you never get any, you'd maul me."

She glared, "I would certainly not maul you."

"You must have heard my telepathic cry for help! You're my long lost sister aren't you?"

"No."

"You're Miss Cleo in disguise!"

"No."

"You're just psychic!"

"No!"

"Oh well. I still love you."

"That's nice. Take your shoes."

"Don't you want a kiss? A hug? Coffee?"

"I feel repulsed toward all of them."

He smiled, "Alright then I know! We're going to be best friends from here on out. Our psychic love powers will dominate the world!"

"Neither of us are psychic."

"Ok, ok just kill my plans why don't you?"

"But you seriously want to be best friends?"

"Yes!"

"And you'll stop treating me like dirt?"

"Maybe!"

"But you'll never call me 'mudblood' again right?"

"I can agree to that!"

"Ok then. Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

"You're fine!"

"Don't push your luck."

He hugged her tightly and said, "Best friends hidden psychic love powers forever!"

"Done now?"

"Yes," he said letting go and taking his shoes, "I'll see you later."

"Whatever."

"Bye honey!"

"Bye."

As Draco got his Quidditch stuff he felt warmer inside. It was probably just the feeling of some of his hate and jealousy being lifted. He smiled.


	3. Harry Potter: Queen of Gaydom

Oh no last chapter Draco was a bit on the pansy side! (pansy meaning...completely let's-hug-everyone like! O_o) I didn't mean to go THAT out of character. But oh well I don't care. Mood Swings Draco is the best to write! He loves sarcasm and poking fun and long walks on the beach and coffee and unic-- Nevermind. ^_^''

Whoever doesn't love a gay Harry better stop reading now cause my fluff-ness begins HERE! BWAHAHAHAHAH! MADNESS! ^^ (Oh another note: Draco's not gay but Harry is!)

"Be careful," Hermione sighed.

"It's just Quidditch," Ron replied, "We do this all the time."

"Yes, yes and you never fail to give me a heart attack either! Just be careful."

"We promise 'Mione!" Harry smiled, putting on his arm pads.

Draco finished adjusting his pads and twirled his broom, "Safe is my middle name."

"That's good to hear."

"Actually I'm lying. My middle name is Alexander."

"I got it."

"Not Alexandria which is the feminine offset of Alexander."

"I got it."

"Although I suppose you could shorten both to Alex..."

"I got it!" Hermione vented, "Thanks for explaining though."

"Don't mention it," Draco said hopping on his broom, "And away we go."

His broom took flight and soon he was hovering 20 or so feet above the ground. Harry hovered up next to him. Ron seemed to be having a bit more trouble though, but he soon found himself up in the air as well.

"Now don't piss your pants Ronnie. I would hate to see that you're afraid of heights," Draco smiled wickedly as he zoomed around Ron.

"You would just love to see me fall wouldn't you?" Ron snapped.

"Oh cut it out guys," Harry said, taking a quick twirl around both of them, "We're all friends here."

"Right! I had completely forgotten. I'm so sorry," Draco winked at Ron.

"Yeah," Ron said through gritted teeth, "No problem."

After that they began a quick lap around the field. Harry was in the lead with Draco close behind. Ron was a few feet lagging behind Draco. Then they played chicken diving. In chicken diving they would each dive and whoever stopped their dive first was the chicken. Ron had broken off first while Draco and Harry were still racing.

"Harry what are you doing!" Hermione screamed from below, "You two had better not get any closer to me because if you do you're going to--"

But before she could finish her sentence Harry and Draco had lost control of the dive and Harry smashed broomstick first into the ground. Harry broke Draco's fall.

"Holy Merlin," Hermione whispered frantically, "Please tell me you're both fine..."

Draco blinked a few times and then realized he was lying right on top of Potty. He rolled over into the grass and glanced sideways at Potty, "You dead?"

"...No," he said quietly, "But...I'm pretty sure that I need to see the nurse..."

"Didn't I tell you to be careful?!" Hermione sighed, concern still streaking the finer lines of her face.

"Sorry 'Mione..." Harry said softly.

"Oh it's ok, it's ok," Hermione said quickly, kneeling down to inspect both of them, "Are you doing alright Draco?"

"Hmm? Oh yes just peachy. I feel like I've broken my arm in about a million places," Draco smiled wistfully, "Too bad my endorphins don't kill off more pain."

"Endorphins are only natural pain killers that the body dispenses. It's not like codeine, Draco, it doesn't make you all giggly inside," Hermione replied, frowning down at him.

Even at a crisis she could still recall bookwork. Weird.

"I'll go get the nurse!" Ron called from above, "I'll be as quick as I can!"

"Thank you Ron!" Hermione called up to him.

He nodded and sped off. Suddenly the smaller Weasley appeared out of, like, no where. She came running up to Harry like a bat out of hell.

"HARRY!" she cried, blubbering like an idiot, "Are you ok, are you ok, are you ok?"

"...I'll be alright," he smiled.

"Don't worry Jinny. The nurse is trained to fix people right up you know," Draco reminded her.

"It's Ginny," she snapped.

"Yeah, ok, whatever, Gen."

"Ginny!"

"Right Yinny!"

"GINNY!"

"Jeanne! I got it!"

"You don't got it! It's G-I-N-N-Y!"

"Don't have a heart attack Ginger. The nurse doesn't need 3 patients."

"Oh my god," Weasellette sighed, "Forget it."

"Anyway," Hermione said, interrupting them, "They're both going to be fine so you can go back to the common room Ginny."

"I won't leave Harry!" she said, getting back into her sniffling voice.

"Listen Ninny," Draco said, "Harry's going to be just fine. Why are you getting all protective? What'dya got a crush on him or something?"

Jenny blushed.

"Whoa..." Draco said, "I'm so right! I'm totally psychic."

"Oh get over yourself!" Hermione sighed, "You're not psychic! You're just stating the obvious."

"Obvious?" Harry said, "What are you talking about?"

"Aren't you suppose to be keeling over with pain?" Hermione glared at him.

"Oh. Right." he said resuming his constipated look and wheezing loudly.

"No wheezing," Draco reminded him, "You don't have asthma..."

"I'm new at this acting bit," Harry frowned, "What should I be doing?"

"Well you certainly don't need to look like you need to shit. You have cringe and grit your teeth. Don't be afraid to moan once and awhile either. It makes it more believable. Just don't moan like you're having sex because that's not right for this occasion. You get it?"

"I think so," Harry said, trying out what Draco had just said.

"That's it. Great! I'm really proud," Draco smiled.

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Honestly," Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes, "Can we get back to me?"

"Sorry," Draco and Harry said in unison.

"I thought we were focusing on me?" Genette said, looking confused.

"You're not really a main character though," Hermione battled, "I mean the lead character can't even remember your name. That should say something right there."

"But we left off on my crush! You don't have a crush on Harry!"

Hermione blushed.

"Oh you are just so sexy right now Harry," Draco said wickedly, "Honestly. Two women? At once? I want some of that."

"Shut up Draco!" Joan said, "Harry is mine!"

"Hey! You're not important in this story! He's mine!"

"Ladies! Hello! The sexiest one is right here!" Draco piped in, pointing to himself.

"You know..." Harry winced, "I'm right here. Why can't I pick?"

"Because you can't!" Jet and Hermione said at once.

"Ok! No need to get fussy..." Harry pouted.

"I've got the nurse!!" Ron yelled frantically, running up to the group.

Madame Pomfrey looked absolutely horrified. Ron was waving his arms like mad. Did he think that we were blind? Draco could so see his hair from 3 miles away.

Madame Pomfrey came up to Harry and checked him out while Ron, Draco, Hermione and Julia stood off to the side, watching anxiously.

"So he's ok right?" Draco drawled.

"Right?! Right?!" Jewels said spastically.

"Oh will you shut your enormous trap Jane!" Draco said.

"Don't tell me what to do you...you...stupid Slytherin!" Weasellette howled.

"What a come back. I'm shivering in my little cloak," Draco said rolling his eyes.

"There's no need for any of you to be worrying!" Madame Pomfrey said icily, "Harry's perfectly fine. I don't know why you called me out here."

"Well we were worried that he might have busted his ass or something," Draco supplied while the rest of the groupie danced and howled about like it was some miracle Harry was even alive.

"Be more careful then!" Madame Pomfrey said, agitated, and then walked back into Hogwarts.

Harry stood up and dusted himself off, "So I'm good then?"

"More than good Madame Pomfrey thinks," Draco said absently.

"Thanks Draco!" Harry said, hugging him.

"Whoa, whoa what's with the physical touching here?" Draco said, trying to get Harry the hell off of him.

"I just wanted to thank you for helping me out and acting extremely mature and calm during my whole fake crisis situation! It's a real relief," Harry sighed nuzzling more into Draco's shoulder.

"Ok. Whoa. HELLO?! Get off me, Potter!" Draco shouted, trying to peel Harry off of his shoulder, "I know I'm sexy but stop making out with my shoulder!"

"Right sorry," Harry said, stopping the hug and stepping back. However he was grinning like an idiot on crack. Draco wasn't so sure he felt very safe.

"Put it there!" Harry said, holding out a hand, obviously wanting Draco to shake his hand.

Draco glared at the hand but shook it anyway. 

Suddenly Harry pulled Draco in an...emotional embrace?? And started to kiss him!

"Moam mopher!" Draco yelled. It was suppose to be 'whoa potter' but hadn't come out very decipherable.

Harry was totally making out with him!

"Harry!" Weasellette screamed, horrified, "How could you?! After I confessed my love...?"

"Ginny you aren't a main character! Get over it!" Hermione yelled.

"I can be a side character and still at least have a make out session with Harry!" Weasellette battled.

"No I'm afraid you CAN'T," Hermione shouted back.

"Can too!"

"Can not!"

"Can too!"

"Can not!"

"Can too can too can too!"

"This is ridiculous! This is like arguing with Malfoy!" Hermione shouted, "But you still can't! I'm always right anyway! So there!"

"Argh!" Weasellette shouted in distress.

All the while Harry was still snogging Draco heatedly.

Finally Draco got Harry off of him.

"You homosexual!" Draco panted, crawling behind Hermione, "You're trying to turn me!"

Harry giggled. He _giggled_.

"Really Draco, darling, don't act so crazy about it," Harry winked. 

"Now you're trying to seduce me!"

"Aw come on now," Harry said crawling toward Draco.

"Never! RAPE! RAPE I SAY!" Draco said, holding onto Hermione's leg for dear life.

"Harry's not going to rape you," Hermione said hotly, trying to get Draco off her leg.

"I can't?" Harry asked.

"Eww..." Hermione cringed, "No! No you cannot!"

"Oh man... He so wants me as his King in Gaydom," Draco cried, "I'm scarred for life."

"Harry's the Queen?" 

"Well I'm certainly not going to be his bitch boy! Of course I'd be the King!"

"You can be anything you want to be Drakie-kins," Harry winked.

"Smother me now!" Draco shouted, feeling goosebumps prickle up on his skin.

"Harry that's so wrong," Hermione sighed.

Harry proceeded to _giggle_ again.

"This is going to be one of those nights where I don't sleep," Draco said, "Sleep with me Hermione?"

"What?!" Hermione yelled.

"Well I need to make sure that I'm still straight!" Draco said, "It's not like you're getting any better offers."

"Draco," Hermione said acidly, "I would shoot you first."

"Ok well then not the sex part!" Draco sighed, "But how bout some kissing? Nothing wrong with"

Hermione then smacked him, repeatedly, until Draco backed off her leg and stood up.

"Straights are no fun," Harry sighed, "What about you Ron?"

"Hmm?" Ron asked.

"Want to be with me tonight?"

"Ok!" Ron said happily.

"That's so not fair," Penny cried.

"You want to come too?" Harry asked.

"Yes," she smiled.

"Ok."

"Yay!"

"Gryffindor orgies?!" Draco cried, "More scarring!"

"Not again," Hermione gritted her teeth.

"Again?!" Draco cried, "Even more scarring!"

"Draco I'm rooming with you tonight," Hermione said, "But I swear if you touch me I'm going to hex you back into preschool."

"Ok check! No touching of the Hermione unless she's unconscious," Draco nodded his head.

"No touching at all!" Hermione said, hitting him again.

"See you in the morning," Harry smiled, walking back to Hogwarts, hand in hand with Jinky and Ron.


	4. Snape's Hair and Plenty of Shampoo

Hahah yes that last chapter was a bit wrong. I didn't actually think about Ron and Ginny being brother and sister. ^.^'' Mostly because Draco is never calling her 'Ginny'! I guess that since I never am seeing 'Ginny' I didn't really realize it til y'know I got reviews! Oh well. The more weird-ness the better I say! Although next time no incest. lol! Really I apologize! And I've noticed that people have started referring to my story as 'the one where Harry's gay' lol! Which is completely awesome. I'm glad I got so many reviews for just the 3rd chapter! I'll do my thank-yous at the end of this chapter. ^.^ Anyway plz keep reading and...if you have ANY suggestions for my story plz tell me! I want to know what everyone thinks and some ideas on what they'd like to happen! Ok?! Good, good. Now onto the 4th chapter!

Draco led Hermione to the Slytherin common room. He reached his portrait and it glared down at him.

"Draco Malfoy is a sexy bitch," he said politely. 

The portrait nodded and swung open. He could almost tell that Hermione was rolling her eyes.

The common room was empty save two fat bodies sitting comfortably on the couch. They looked expectantly at him.

"Crabbe, Goyle what the hell are you doing?" Draco asked in a fairly neutral tone. He didn't really care what they were doing. 

"We was waiting for you Draco!" Crabbe said, "Where 'ave you been? Snape was pacing around like a worried mutti. Finally we told him that you'd probably be gone for a fairly good time. He glared and pumped off toward your room."

"He did what?" Draco asked. Why the hell would Snape go into his room?

"So what," Hermione yawned, "Let's just get this over with. I'm tired anyway."

"Well what the hell are you doing Draco?" Goyle asked, sneering at Hermione, "Bringing a mudblood into Slytherin's common room."

"Hey!" Draco said walking up to Goyle and kicking him in his fat gut, "Why don't you shut the hell up about Hermione."

Crabbe and Goyle looked over at Draco with shock.

"Are you..." Crabbe said quietly, "defending her?"

Draco blinked at the poor guy. He really was slow.

"Honestly Crabbe," Draco frowned, "You're as bad as Ron sometimes."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"So are you defending the mudblood or not?!" Goyle wanted to know.

"Well duh," Draco said, "And if you call her a mudblood again," Draco smiled sweetly, "I'll break all of your fingers slowly," Draco pointed to each finger on his hand, "and then hex you so bad you'll forget your names. Get it?"

Crabbe and Goyle stared at him for a short amount of time and then shook their heads rigorously, making sure they sent the message to Draco that they understood.

Draco nodded and glanced back at Hermione, winking at her. He watched her blush crimson and then walked toward his room. Hermione stopped him in the hallway.

"Draco what did you do?" Hermione asked quietly, "That was uncalled for. Really you could have left them. I don't mind. It's ok! Really I'm totally fine. You shouldn't have--"

"Hermione relax," Draco said, shaking her by her shoulders, "You sound like you're going to pop or something. It's scary really."

"But I just don't--" she started.

"Yes, yes," Draco said, "I know. You think it's so weird that I'm standing up for you blah, blah. I don't care. So just leave things to me and don't flip out."

Hermione sighed, "...Ok..."

"Yup that's what I wanted to hear!" Draco grinned, "Now how 'bout a 'thank you Draco'?" 

"...Thank you Draco."

"You're the best Draco!"

"You're the best Draco."

"Let's have sex Draco!"

"Don't push it."

"Ok, ok," Draco sighed, "Almost thought I could get you there."

"Right..."

They approached Draco's room and he swung open the door. Both of them were staring straight at Professor Snape who was rummaging through Draco's chest. He had his hands tightly curled around a bottle of 'Herbal Essence scented floral breeze for wizards with thick hair.' Snape looked up, looking slightly guilty, and tried to hide the bottle behind him.

"You're stealing my shampoo!" Draco howled, "That's a violation of nature!"

"What does nature have to do with anything?" Hermione asked.

"Oh you shut up! My shampoo is the love of my life! How dare you disturb its resting place?!" Draco said, tackling Snape, "Unhand my hair products!"

"Draco!" Hermione said, walking over to him and trying to pry him off of Snape.

"Malfoy you have no idea how easy you get it!" Snape sniffled, "Why can't you let the less fortunate borrow your hair products?! Dammit I want nice hair just like everybody else!"

Draco stifled a laugh and snorted instead, "No offense Professor, but nothing will help your case."

"Why you--" 

"Alright that's enough," Hermione said, pulling out her wand, "Silentium!"

The room quieted and Draco and Snape found that they couldn't speak.

"Honestly," Hermione sighed, "You two are acting like children. Here's what's going to happen. Draco you're going to help him with his hair. Don't be an ass about it; just do it. And Snape you're not ever going to come into Draco's room uninvited again ok? Stealing isn't the right thing to do."

They both cringed and nodded. She then took the spell off of them.

Draco stood up and brushed his cloak off, "Do I have to help you tonight?"

"Please?" Snape pleaded.

"Why? Got a hot date tonight or something?"

Silence.

"You're shitting me," Draco laughed, "You?! Have a date?!"

"Malfoy don't make me take points off of my own house..." Snape warned.

"So," Hermione asked, "Who is it?"

Draco was still laughing and Snape looked at the floor nervously. She almost thought she saw him blush.

"...That's...none of your business Granger," Snape said hotly.

"Aw c'mon!" Draco said, wiping the tears out of his eyes, "I'm helping you with your hair so I think the least you can do is tell me who your love muffin is!"

"...No!" Snape said, "Now help me with my hair!"

"You're such a bully," Hermione sighed.

"50 points from Gryffindor!"

"What the--"

"50 more points from Gryffindor!"

"That's so--"

"Hermione!" Draco said, slapping his hand over her mouth, "Shut up already!"

"Feh," Snape said, stalking off out of Draco's room, "Well come on!"

Draco and Hermione gathered up all of Draco's hair things and put them in a trunk and dragged it along behind Snape. They finally got to Snape's room and he took off a few of his outer layers.

"So...what all do you have in here?" Hermione asked Draco, flopping her end of the trunk down.

"We're running out of time!" Snape howled, "Let's start! Now!"

Draco sat Snape down and got out his prized, gold rimmed comb and begin to try and brush Snape's hair.

"What the hell IS this thing?" Draco said, ripping out his comb, "I don't think that's part of your hair..."

"What are you talking about?" Snape asked, twisting his head.

Draco pushed his comb in Snape's face so he could examine the long black yarn like thing that was tangled on his comb.

"Oh...well...I don't know what that is."

"Good god," Draco said, "I cry for your hair. It's been abused."

"I think I see..." Hermione said peering in close to Snape's head, "Is that...a spider?"

"You have a spider's nest in your HAIR?!" Draco said flinging himself back away from Snape's head, "What the... When... How the hell is that possible?!"

"Well...I sleep down here...and there are spiders..." Snape said, trying to be helpful.

"...Forget I said anything," Draco said, "What's that over there?"

Draco pointed to something shiny poking out of the masses of grease referred to as Snape's hair.

"It kind of looks like..." Hermione said, poking it with a comb, "It looks like the blade of some scissors..."

"Oh I tried to get Dumbledore to give me a hair cut a few days ago but my hair sort of broke the blade..."

"That's bristles from a comb over there," Hermione pointed.

"That sort of looks like a leftover ham sandwich," Draco pointed.

"That's a quill over there," Hermione pointed.

"That's got to be Hedwig... How'd he get in there?" Draco asked.

"Yeah! That IS Harry's owl!" Hermione remarked, "Snape what is Harry's owl doing in your hair?"

"Urm," Snape coughed, "P-Potter's owl? I-I have no idea. I mean it's not like he sent me a love letter or anything. Really no."

Silence.

"Don't you b-believe me?!" Snape said.

"...He wrote you a love letter?!" Draco howled, "He's the essence of gay!"

"Look!" Hermione pulled out Hedwig, "Hedwig still has the love letter!"

Draco ripped it open and began reading aloud, "Professor Snape, I think it was fate, so I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to date?, you know I just want to mate ~.^"

Hermione turned pale and Draco put down the letter.

"Queen Harry is out to make me sick I think," Draco announced, while going into a corner of the room and hugging himself.

"It is sort of disturbing," Hermione shrugged.

"Can we ignore the letter and get back to my hair?!" Snape snapped.

"We can certainly not!" Draco said loudly, "If you're gay and you're having me get you spiffed up to meet **Harry** there's no way I'm doing it. I mean good god it's **Harry!** How can you be gay?!"

"Draco calm down," Hermione said, "You're shouting."

Draco walked over to Hermione and said, "Can I snog you?"

"What?" Hermione asked.

"I said can I snog you senseless?! I have to make sure that Harry does not get to me! I am straight! Forever!"

Then after laying on big fat kiss on Hermione and Hermione smacking him until he backed off, Draco walked back to Snape and began his rant again.

Meanwhile no one noticed that Madame Hooch had walked into Snape's room.

"Snape if you're gay then don't try and snog me too," Draco said.

"Snape? Gay? Are you kidding?" Hooch said, silencing the room, "What are you babbling about Draco?"

"Well...urm."

"Don't worry about him," Snape said, "Let's just go. Can we start our date now?"

"Well sure," Hooch answered.

"...Date..." Draco said, shocked. Both his jaw and Hermione's dropped.

****

A/N: Harry's everywhere! Ahhh!

Madame Plot Bunnie: Who says I'm on anything? ~.^ It is people like us who make the world go round! I am going to have a plot (eventually) and I've really been considering having this big plot change from Draco's good deed to Draco trying to stay straight! lol! Oh well. It'll come to me. (Hopefully!)

Dreaming One: I'm glad you laugh! That's the whole point! And I got the whole Jeanne/Gen/Jenny thing from myself actually. I couldn't remember Ginny's name for the life of me and I always called her something weird and my friends would be like 'ITS GINNY!' and I'd be like ok ok I got it really and then the next day 'so who's cast as Jean in HP2?' It really drove them mad. And yes please assume that Ron and Ginny aren't doing each other. .

Angel: Thank you! I'm glad it made you laugh. ^.^

Trillium: Sorry I didn't mean for it to be wrong. . But I'm glad you still thought it was funny!

Seka: Thank you for multiple reviews! And yes I guess Jinny and Ginny would sound the same but it's kind of hard to keep coming up w/ names that look fairly close to Ginny. ^.^ I got desperate! I'm glad you like the story! And I'm glad your sister likes it too! 

Alecatg: Thank you very very much! I was really worried that I might make this story just sound stupid. 

Miss.Hermione.G-Malfoy: Yay! Can I tell you something? I loved your review. lol! Probably the best review I've ever read. 'i love you and this story but you more *wink wink*' lol! I totally thought that was hilarous. lol! So thank you for reviewing! And please feel free to do it again ~.^

MIforever: Phew! I'm glad you laughed! ^.^

Ashley023: Thanks! I'll try to keep updating regularly! (If you can call this regularly!)


	5. Coloro Thongolo

****

WOW! Look at all theses awesome reviews I'm getting! **jaw drops** I feel so special! You guys really DO love me! ^.^ Read my other HP stories too okie? It's almost completed ('Your Eyes') and you never know this one might last forever. --_-- I can't think of a good ending for it right now. Help me out okay?! Review lots and give me suggestions!

Hmm…well I can't think of anything else to say besides I LOVE YOU ALL (and Draco) and I'm not JK Rowling! I don't own HP so don't sue. ~.^ Onto chappie 5.

(Also…plz support this chapter lots. . I know it's short but I have my net down and I had to re type this entire chapter so that I could post it and so you all could read it. And it's taken me hours, literally, to get 'Your Eyes' and this chap up. So PLZ! Tell me my fingers aren't sore for nothin'!)

"Draco…" Hermione said, in an annoyed tone.

Draco leaned forward and peered in his binoculars. Snape was holding Hooch's hand!

"Draco."

"Shh!" Draco whispered, trying to ignore Hermione.

"Draco!" She yelled, causing Draco to lose his balance and fall over in a heap on the floor.

"What?!" Draco said heatedly, "I hope they didn't hear you!"

"Who cares what they're doing or if they heard me!" Hermione said, "I'm tired! Are we ever going to go to sleep?"

"The night is young fair maiden!" Draco said, picking himself up and pulling Hermione along.

"Listen Romeo," Hermione said, coming slightly close to glaring at Draco, "Let's walk around a bit then. I want to get some stuff out of my room before Harry starts…bringing in…well…you know."

"I'm afraid I know know. But please…don't tell me."

"Right."

Draco and Hermione made their way to the Gryffindor dorms and suddenly they spotted Neville being confronted by the one and only famous gay man, Harry Potter.

"Hello Neville dear," Harry said seductively, "How are you?"

"Um…F-Fine…"

"I'd like to invite you to this," Harry said, handing Neville two pieces of paper.

"What's this?" Neville asked, examining the pieces of paper, "This is…an invitation to an…orgie tonight?! Er…and the second is an invitation to your national gay walk-a-thon…"

"Yes," Harry nodded, "I'd like you to come to both."

While Draco was busy puking in a corner, Hermione came out from hiding and approached Harry. She put her hands on her hips and stepped in between the two, "Now Harry don't play with Neville's feelings. I know you Harry Potter and if you don't intend to date him seriously I don't think it's right for you to tease him like this."

"Um…" Neville started.

"Aw 'Mione," Harry said, interrupting Neville and snapping his fingers, "I'm just having a bit of fun. Say…is Draco with you?"

"U-Um…" Neville started again.

"Yeah," Hermione said, "Why do you want to know? Harry. Harry!"

But Harry wasn't listening. He walked straight over to Draco and gave him a big hug, "Hi friend!"

"We are most certainly NOT friends," Draco said, desperately pushing Harry away, "Please stop touching me."

"U-um…H-Harry?" Neville said, finally not getting cut off, "I-I'm not gay."

"So?" Hary said, hugging Neville now, "I can make you gay."

"Did you just wink at that poor Gryffindor?!" Draco said, "And here I thought you weren't evil."

Harry was over at Draco's side in an instant and lovingly bit his neck and purred softly into his ear, "Do you like evil?"

Hermione's face puffed up, "Harry Potter! What are you doing?"

"Aw 'Mione," Harry giggled, "Don't get jealous."

"JEALOUS?!" Hermione screamed, her face puffing out even more, "Jealous?! Of what?! Of who?!"

Hermione marched up to Harry and stuck a finger in his face, her face hot with red and you could almost see the steam coming our her nose, "I. Most. Certainly. Am. Not. Jealous. Or. You. Or. Lucky. Or. Anyone. Thank. You. Very. Much." Her words were coming out in angry pops from her mouth.

"You know," Harry said, giving her a small smile, "You're a bit scary when you're angry."

"I. Really. Couldn't. Care. Less. Harry." She said, clenching and unclenching her fists.

"I'm touched," Draco said, squirming out of Harry's grip and wrapping his arm around Hermione's shoulders, "You like me!"

"What. An. Idiotic. Though! I. Hate. You. Down. To. The. Very. Pit. Of. My. Being!" Hermione raged on.

Draco wasn't paying attention. He was entertaining new thoughts in his head now, "So tell me…which color do you prefer: red or black."

"Huh? I. Suppose. Red."

"I think black would look good on you too, but as you wish," Draco said, tapping his wand on her arse, "Coloro Thongolo." (1)

"What are you doing?!" Hermione shrieked, pulling out of Draco's grasp, "What did you do! I demand to know! I've never heard that spell before."

"If you did know it I'd be a little concerned," Draco smirked, "I just changed your undies to something a bit more fun to play with!"

"WHAT?!"

"I just simply gave you a red thong."

"WHAT?!"

"It has a nice lace trim and everything."

"WHAT?!"

"I just hope it's the right size though," Draco said, patting her rear end, "Fits all right doesn't it?"

"You pervert!" she said, slapping his face and left a nice red print for a souvenir.

"Ow!" Draco said, rubbing the print softly, "Why do you always have to smak me in the face? Why can't it be some other body part? My face is sensitive you know. Why odn't you just smack my ass for change?!"

"Kinky," Harry remarked, smacking Draco's ass.

"Not you!" Draco wailed, running away from Harry, "I was talking to Hermione!"

"DRACO STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Hermione screamed, running away from Draco.

Off from a distance could be heard, "Twenty points from Gryffindor!" (**A/N: One guess to who said that!**)

"C'mere you sexy little Slytherin!" Harry giggled, wiggling his fingers.

"Leave me alone Queen Potter!" Draco cried, "Hermione why can't you be more open with your feelings about me?! Like Harry!"

"I don't have any feelings for you!" Hermione screamed, "And besides Harry's open with everyone!"

"I'm wide open," Harry winked, "Why don't you give me a try Drakie?"

"Ahhh don't call me Drakie!" Draco said, "Hermione let me take a gander at my creation!"

"Draco don't touch my ass!"

"I love everyone!"

"Harry don't touch my ass!"

"YOU'RE BISEXUAL?!"

"Well I do want kids someday."

"ADOPT!"

"I want kids I can call my own."

"You'll have a guy sex slave and a girl just to pump out babies! You sick, sick thing!"

"You can be my sex slave Draco and Hermione can bear my children."

"Never!"

"Never!"

"Nights at Hogwarts sure are exciting…" Neville remarked, walking back to his room.

****

(1)- Hee hee I made this spell up. I know it sucks but, beh, I still like it. Lol!!

A/N: I also hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm a little slow on things like that. But then again I don't take offence very easily. You can only offend me by insulting my computer! (or my new haircut…)

THANK YOU REVIEWERS! YOU'RE MY LIGHT AND MY LOVE! So keep reviewing okay?!

I don't have much time to thank all of you personally (as I always do) so thank you to: Miyamoto, alecatg, From@YoursTruly** (anyone know what a rare review is? Well I like it none the less!), Sila-chan, Miss.Hermione.G-Malfoy, Erry, Imperfectionist, trillium, Madame Plot Bunnie, Guenevere Morgan and hollY. THANKS SOOOOO MUCH! And I love you all ~.^ **


	6. Serious Chapter! Well kind of

****

I'm back after AGES of not updated! Sorry about that. I've been busy, I've been reading the 5th book and I've been having writer's block! lol. But I think I've developed a plot now. That's always good. Also this chapter will be a bit more serious than the other ones because I'm starting to thread the plot into this chapter. Yay for me! But there will still be some humor in here. It's not completely dry!

And what did everything think about the 5th book? I'm curious to know. ^.^ 

Disclaimer: Nope, nope I don't own HP but I do own this shiny new plot! *hugs plot*

Draco and Hermione finally escaped Queen Harry and were walking tiredly to the Slytherin common room; still free of Snape Draco noticed. 

"So..." Hermione said, trying to start some friendly conversation, "Where am I going to sleep?"

"In my room. Naturally."

"But...I don't really know how comfortable I'll be sleeping in a room with Crabbe and Goyle."

"I'll have them sleep on the couches."

"O-Oh... You don't have to do,"

"They'll sleep on the couches."

"...Right. So I'm to sleep on the floor?"

"You can sleep in my bed."

"Your bed?! Draco...don't get any funny ideas. I'm not,"

"I know perfectly well," Draco said, rubbing his bruises.

"Well then stop teasing me. Where am I going to sleep?"

"My bed!"

"Draco."

"Don't get that tone. I know what I'm doing."

Hermione sighed irritably and they went inside of the common room and straight to Draco's room. Crabbe and Goyle were sitting unceremoniously on their respective beds, staring blankly at one another.

Draco glared at both of them and they noticed Hermione. This time they kept their mouths shut.

"You'll be sleeping on the couches tonight," he said, a final tone in his voice.

Crabbe nodded weakly and Goyle gathered up some blankets. They both brushed past Draco quickly and soundlessly. Draco closed the door and locked it behind them. He didn't want Pansy to try to sneak into his bedroom tonight.

"Well that was...awkward," Hermione said.

"Not as much as it could have been," Draco said.

"...I'm tired," Hermione said.

"Me too," Draco nudged Hermione over to his bed and they both sat down, "This is mine. You'll sleep here. On this side."

"You know I could just sleep in Crabbe or Goyle's bed."

"I don't honestly think you would want to," Draco said, smiling slyly, "You don't want to know what they do in those beds."

Hermione paled.

"Now you've got it," Draco laughed, smacking her back.

"That's sick."

"We're just pervy teenage boys," Draco laughed, "Although Queen Harry is more horny than Crabbe, Goyle and myself put together."

"That's...true. I guess."

"Anyway Crabbe and Goyle don't like to change their bed sheets. So please don't sleep in them," Draco said, "Me, on the other hand, change them weekly."

"That's always nice to know."

"Just stick to that part of the bed then," Draco said, rolling over to the other side, "And I'll stick to my side."

Draco pulled out the bed sheets and snuggled underneath of them. He didn't bother changing into nightclothes. They didn't actually have time to get any of Hermione's Gryffindor things thanks to Potter. So she didn't have anything to change into.

Hermione settled in on her side. Draco watched her back. He wasn't too tired now that he was in bed.

"Granger?"

"Yes Draco?" she murmured.

"I'm not sleepy."

"I am."

"Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Tell me about... Tell me about muggles."

Hermione glanced over her shoulder at Draco. He looked back at her. She sighed and rolled over on her other side to face him.

"What about muggles?"

"Everything."

"That's a lot."

"We have the whole night."

"...Well...muggles have lots of neat gadgets. They have computers, radios, television, telephones, electric lamps," Hermione started.

"You know that I don't know what any of those vocabulary words are, right?"

"Computers are little machines that you can type on. You can write stories on them. And then, if you have the Internet on your computer, you can connect your computer to other people's computer and talk to them on it and send them things that you have on your computer, like stories and pictures. Radios are little boxes that pick up radio waves and play music live. Using radios you can also tune into to talk shows and things. Televisions are bigger boxes with a screen. They let you watch shows. Telephones let you talk to people who aren't anywhere near you. Electric lamps work just like 'Lumos' except you don't need a wand or a spell. You just flick a switch and the lamp turns on and you have light."

"Interesting..." Draco said honestly, "Do you have any of those things?"

"I have all of them. They aren't too expensive. Most muggles have all of them."

"Really? What sort of things do rich muggles own then?" Draco asked.

"Huge mansions to live in. Equally huge indoor heated swimming pools that they never use. Clunky gold jewelry with thousands of jewels stuck in them. Designer clothes. Maids to clean their house. Chefs to cook their meals."

"Sounds the same."

"What sounds the same?"

"Rich muggles sound the same as rich wizards. My family owns a huge mansion with a huge swimming pool that I haven't used since I started going to Hogwarts. My mother owns enough jewelry to fill an entire library to the ceiling. All of us have specially made clothes. We have house elves to clean our house and cook our food."

"I guess they do. Which leads me to the question: Why don't you like them then? If you all are the same what is the problem with them? Why do purebloods hate them so much?"

"I don't know. I guess that even though we're similar...they still don't know anything about magic. Magic is a wizard's life, Hermione. We find it a bit insulting that they don't even know it's out there."

"That's not a reason to hate someone..." Hermione sighed.

"Yes, yes I know," Draco said, "But it's how it is."

There was a brief silence.

"Tell me about you," Hermione said.

"Me?"

"That's right."

"Well my name is Draco Malfoy. I'm 16. I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I like long walks in the sand. My favorite food is well done pepper steak with a small side of spaghetti. My favorite drink is butterbeer. I'm looking for a pretty girl who I can talk to late at night. Oh wait, I've found one."

Hermione blushed, "That's not what I meant."

"But you were just asking for that response," Draco smiled.

"Be serious."

"Oh if I have to be," Draco said, "What do you want to know about me?"

"...Do you like your family?"

"Like is such a strong word..." Draco sighed, "No I guess I don't. I like my mother but not particularly my father. I like my cousin and my uncle and my deceased aunt. Well at least I used to like my deceased aunt. I don't really care for her much now since she's dead and all. But if she were a ghost I would still like her! But she's not. And anyway would she be the same if she were a ghost? I don't really know. It would be a little,"

"Draco. Stop rambling," Hermione smiled.

"Am I?"

"You most definitely are."

"Ah right. Sorry."

"It's so weird that you don't love your family. I love my family."

"Well your family reunions don't consist of everyone in black cloaks killing and torturing random people now does it?"

"No."

"Exactly. We don't usually prance around, holding hands, and have barbecues."

"You should."

"It would be very weird if we did. I can't imagine holding hands with my father...or barbecuing something we plan on eating..."

"I don't want to know what you mean by that."

"Well if you start to look groggy I'll tell you. It'll keep you up for a couple of nights, guaranteed."

"Er...thanks."

"Do you have a crush on Potter? I mean I know you do... You confessed with Tinny. But now that you've learned he's gay and all... Well he's bisexual now but do you still like him?"

"I don't know."

"Okay then. Who else do you like?"

"U-um... "

"Don't say Ron. You can't say Ron."

"I don't like Ron..."

"Good. Then all is right in the world."

"I-I like... Well... I-I like...you. Sort of. Don't smile at me like that. I know what you're thinking. Draco that grin has pervert written all over it. Be mature."

"Oh fine," Draco said, suppressing his grin, "But I knew it."

"Then who do you like Draco?"

"I like my girlfriend," Draco said, "Lucky of Ravenclaw. Even if she grows up to be a stalker."

"And...T-that's it?"

"Yup. That's the only person I like."

"Oh," Hermione said, all of the features on her face seemed to frown and darken a bit.

"Are you going to ask me who I love?"

"Who do you love Draco?" Hermione asked, sort of mechanically.

"The only person I love is Hermione Granger. Even if she's a complete bookworm and even though she goes spastic and smacks me a lot and even though she doesn't like coffee."

Hermione's eyes got big and her lips wobbled. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, "Really?"

"I didn't stutter."

"Oh Draco," she cried, putting her hands over her face.

Draco sighed and scooted closer to her. He put his arms around her and she buried her face in his chest.

"C'mon don't tell me you thought I wasn't going to say 'I love you too!'" Draco said, patting her head softly.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Hermione sniffed, her voice slightly muffled.

"Well I meant it. Besides! We have hidden psychic love powers! I won't let bisexual Harry claim you as his whore who pops out babies!"

She giggled softly.

"So let's get some sleep. I'm suddenly tired."

"Okay," Hermione said, bringing her head up to smile at him, tears still fresh on her cheeks, "But can you just hold me?"

"I wasn't planning on letting go."

****

Review whores unite! 

Hope ya liked this chapter. I know it was a bit more serious than usual.

Imperfectionist: Yes lol. It's kinky but so is Harry!

Crystal Princess: Thanks! Your story is good too! that's why I reviewed it ^.^

BellethePhilosopher'sCookie: Wow thanks! but don't hurt yourself falling off those chairs. ~.^

Miss.Hermione.G-Malfoy: Yay! I did miss ya! lol I don't know why I'm so funny. I guess I'm just really weird. lol My ideas all come from my perverted little brain. It's my hormone's fault. lol I like writing humor stories although usually it's hard for me to think of a plot. I like pie...

Frodo-Lover: Hello Erry-kins! Lucius is married! You naughty girl. And Snape is all grown up and dating now. *tear* You have Will to do that. Thank you. I know I rock. *modesty* ^___^

Critic: Thanks. I don't write to keep them in character! lol. That's JK's job.

Madame Plot Bunnie: Thank you! I like your story. I'm going to go check on it now and see if you updated! Which I'm LOVING your Draco/Herm one so keep updating okay?! ^.^

~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~: My what a long penname! lol. Thanks! I know this chapter wasn't as funny as the last but, I'll say it again, I'm trying to bring the plot in and not just random running around. ^.^ 

blue: Blue my favorite color! Hello and thank you! I'm glad you think I write well. I went to that site and reviewed your story. I hope you got it. ^.^ Keep going!

DeLovesTomFelton: Thanks. How about replace Hermione with Julie?! lol! And YOU missy better get well soon! Erry almost gave me a HEART ATTACK when she told me you were hurt! I'm sending your mum AND your brother get well cards! So there!

Brin: hehehe Thanks hehehe

Trillum: Thanks. Insanity is the best you know! I'm going to have fun with Dumbledore. If you didn't think I could be more perverted than I already am with this story then you're sooooo wrong. *evil cackle* The next chapter should be up to par with insanity again. ^.^

ManOfPeace88: Gay Harry is the best. But then again I don't like Harry. (Have you noticed? ^.^) Hee hee thanks!

Rubber Duki: I can be Queen Insanity. ^.^ And did I mention I LOVE your penname?? Rubber Duki! WAI!

Toms Girl: Thank youuuu! Thank you for reviewing all my stories really. I'm glad you thought it was funny. I like making people laugh. (Apparently I'm good at it!) I'm putting Dumbledore in the next chapter and you won't want to miss that. ^.^ So come see me next chap! 

eth: I like whacky! Thanks!

Malferz: That's okay. You didn't offend me. I know it was going no where. That is why I'm making it go somewhere now! Bwahaha! As long as you laughed all is well. Thanks for reviewing! 


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